Do you speak English?

- Excuse me, excuse me. Sorry. Um, do you speak English?
- No, I don't. Sorry.
- Oh. My car's broken down, and i wondered if you could tell me where to find a garage.
- Well, that's wasted on me. I don't understand what you're saying.
- You don't speak English at all?
- Not a word, no. There's one of these things I wish I'd paid attention in school. But...

- Excuse me, excuse me. Do you speak any English?
- English? No. What's the problem?
- I don't know, I can't understand her.
- Hi. My car's broken down and I need to find a garage.
- No, I'm sorry. I don't understand you at all.
- All right. Well. Thanks.
- If you go down that way, about half a mile, there's a village. There might be somebody who speaks English.

Translation of the German part:
Woman: "I speak a little bit of German, do you speak German?"
Man1: "German? No! Do you speak German?"
Man2: "German? No! Oh well, one or two words, but I'm not fluent."
Man1: "I'm sorry we couldn't be more help." (Eng.)
Man2: "Sorry about that. You never know. Next time you're over, maybe we'll have learnt a little bit of English for you." (Eng.)
Man1: "Or perhaps even German."
Man2: "Yeah, that would be great!"

- Thanks anyway.

- I can't speak English.
- So can't I.